Oh, no. Not even close. But, I've recently discovered that I do seek perfection more than I thought. I am a closet perfectionist. Not so much in my expectations of others; but for myself.
I tend to only do things if I know I can do them completely and perfectly. For example, if I mess up on my diet, I just throw all my progress to the wind and eat whatever I want. There is no getting back up on the horse, so to speak. When I clean house, I want to do everything on the list, or nothing at all.
It seems I'm an all or nothing kind of girl. That doesn't work in the real world. If I ever hope to lose weight on a permanent basis, I have to learn to pick myself up and go on after overeating. I have to do a little cleaning here and there, and not worry about how the rest looks.
I never realized it, but I tend to be critical of myself. Last night, in tears, I was telling David how stressful our finances had been for me. I just didn't think I'd managed things quite perfectly enough. Since David lost his job in May, I've been counting every penny, moving it around, stretching it until it squeaks. Checking our balance constantly. Stressing over how to cover everything. I kept telling him, "I tried so hard! I thought my plan would work. And now we paid some big bills and I don't know if the money we have will last until you get paid!"
True to form, David told me not to worry about it, it would all work out. I just don't have his level of faith sometimes. He is so steady, just what I need.
The reality, which apparently I was not living in,is that things are really okay. They were okay all along. We are blessed and I lose sight of that so easily.
Another way my love of perfection comes out is the way I look forward to things and create these perfect plans in my mind. Maybe by getting out my dream fall cabin getaway out on this blog, I can make it happen!
David and me alone (Jackson at grandma & papa's)
Log cabin in the Ozarks
College football under a blanket
Crackling fire in stone fireplace
Kitchen with chili on the stove
Outdoor activities like horseback riding, a hike, or a trip down a river in a canoe
Perfect fall weather (a little brisk during the day, chilly at night)
Conversation without interruption
Carriage ride in Eureka Springs after dinner out (in a perfect outfit, naturally)
Outdoor hot tub
Sleeping late on Sunday morning
A yummy brunch before heading to Mom & Dad's to pick up Jackson
Here's hoping...
