Perfect much?

Oh, no. Not even close. But, I've recently discovered that I do seek perfection more than I thought. I am a closet perfectionist. Not so much in my expectations of others; but for myself. 

I tend to only do things if I know I can do them completely and perfectly. For example, if I mess up on my diet, I just throw all my progress to the wind and eat whatever I want. There is no getting back up on the horse, so to speak. When I clean house, I want to do everything on the list, or nothing at all. 

It seems I'm an all or nothing kind of girl. That doesn't work in the real world. If I ever hope to lose weight on a permanent basis, I have to learn to pick myself up and go on after overeating. I have to do a little cleaning here and there, and not worry about how the rest looks.

I never realized it, but I tend to be critical of myself.  Last night, in tears, I was telling David how stressful our finances had been for me. I just didn't think I'd managed things quite perfectly enough. Since David lost his job in May, I've been counting every penny, moving it around, stretching it until it squeaks. Checking our balance constantly. Stressing over how to cover everything. I kept telling him, "I tried so hard!  I thought my plan would work. And now we paid some big bills and I don't know if the money we have will last until you get paid!" 

True to form, David told me not to worry about it, it would all work out. I just don't have his level of faith sometimes. He is so steady, just what I need. 

The reality, which apparently I was not living in,is that things are really okay. They were okay all along. We are blessed and I lose sight of that so easily.

Another way my love of perfection comes out is the way I look forward to things and create these perfect plans in my mind. Maybe by getting out my dream fall cabin getaway out on this blog, I can make it happen! 

David and me alone (Jackson at grandma & papa's)
Log cabin in the Ozarks 
College football under a blanket
Crackling fire in stone fireplace
Kitchen with chili on the stove
Outdoor activities like horseback riding, a hike, or a trip down a river in a canoe
Perfect fall weather (a little brisk during the day, chilly at night)
Conversation without interruption
Carriage ride in Eureka Springs after dinner out (in a perfect outfit, naturally)
Outdoor hot tub
Sleeping late on Sunday morning
A yummy brunch before heading to Mom & Dad's to pick up Jackson

Here's hoping...

Long time, no post

 I haven't been writing. And, apparently, that's bad because writing is like a muscle...it can atrophy with lack of use. Since I hope to get my physical muscles back in shape, it's time to do the same for my writing muscle.

Jackson is coming up on 2. How is this possible?  I want to start recording his sayings, adorable smiles, and general adorable-ness so I will have it when he's 15 and can show his friends. And so I can cry about where all the time went.

The bunny photo shoot.  Oh my, my expectations were WAY off. I expected the poor bunnies to be traumatized by the whole experience. I expected Jackson to be a moving target, with lots of giggles and running around. He fell asleep on the way to the location (which was in Arcadia across the highway from the Round Barn), right before we got there. Instead of crazy toddler boy, we a got zoned out boy. He was absolutely still and quiet, but so solemn. Very unlike his usual personality. He warmed up toward the end, but I haven't seen those pictures yet. 

The proof I posted is the only picture we've seen.  It is so adorable, I can hardly stand it. And I have shown anyone who would look. 

All the kids in David's family had them taken, so I think we're going to give Sharon a picture frame with all of them in it for Mother's Day.

He is talking up a storm! Maybe he takes after me! Friends tell us that he talks well for his age. I'm so proud of him!  His latest words are: zebra (beeba) and giraffe (raff).  These come from Giraffes Can't Dance, which works great to get him to sleep. For some reason, him saying "beeba" instead of "zebra" gets to me every time. He is also saying thank you to everything!  He said after I changed his diaper this morning. So cute!!

He loves books. Besides the aforementioned giraffe book, he loves Moo Baa LaLaLa, Barnyard Dance, Goodnight Moon, and many others. My favorite book to read to him is Wherever You Are, My Love Will Find You. It has echos of Psalm 139 in it.  A quote that I 

love is, 

"And if someday you’re lonely,or someday you’re sad,
or you strike out at baseball,
or think you’ve been bad...
just lift up your face, feel the wind in your hair.
That’s me, my sweet baby, my love is right there."

I hope Jackson will always know how much David and I love him and that God loves him even more. I hope he learns God's purposes and plan for his life and that he will learn to enjoy God's presence in good times and in bad. 

I love that he is so at ease wherever he goes. He goes right in to school everyday without looking back (even to wave at Mommy, sniff!). He loves the church nursery, grocery store, Target, or anywhere else we take him. He waves at people and chats away with anyone who will listen. He also does a cute little fake shy act that everyone loves (which is probably why he does it!). It's a huge gift to have a flexible, adaptable child. David and I are on the go types of people, and Jackson fits right in.

5.  The depth of love I feel for that little boy is just amazing. I could never have believed it until I had him. Thank you, Lord, for answering my prayer for a child! He is such a blessing!! And seeing David with him just melts me. It's unbelievable!