Perfect much?

Oh, no. Not even close. But, I've recently discovered that I do seek perfection more than I thought. I am a closet perfectionist. Not so much in my expectations of others; but for myself. 

I tend to only do things if I know I can do them completely and perfectly. For example, if I mess up on my diet, I just throw all my progress to the wind and eat whatever I want. There is no getting back up on the horse, so to speak. When I clean house, I want to do everything on the list, or nothing at all. 

It seems I'm an all or nothing kind of girl. That doesn't work in the real world. If I ever hope to lose weight on a permanent basis, I have to learn to pick myself up and go on after overeating. I have to do a little cleaning here and there, and not worry about how the rest looks.

I never realized it, but I tend to be critical of myself.  Last night, in tears, I was telling David how stressful our finances had been for me. I just didn't think I'd managed things quite perfectly enough. Since David lost his job in May, I've been counting every penny, moving it around, stretching it until it squeaks. Checking our balance constantly. Stressing over how to cover everything. I kept telling him, "I tried so hard!  I thought my plan would work. And now we paid some big bills and I don't know if the money we have will last until you get paid!" 

True to form, David told me not to worry about it, it would all work out. I just don't have his level of faith sometimes. He is so steady, just what I need. 

The reality, which apparently I was not living in,is that things are really okay. They were okay all along. We are blessed and I lose sight of that so easily.

Another way my love of perfection comes out is the way I look forward to things and create these perfect plans in my mind. Maybe by getting out my dream fall cabin getaway out on this blog, I can make it happen! 

David and me alone (Jackson at grandma & papa's)
Log cabin in the Ozarks 
College football under a blanket
Crackling fire in stone fireplace
Kitchen with chili on the stove
Outdoor activities like horseback riding, a hike, or a trip down a river in a canoe
Perfect fall weather (a little brisk during the day, chilly at night)
Conversation without interruption
Carriage ride in Eureka Springs after dinner out (in a perfect outfit, naturally)
Outdoor hot tub
Sleeping late on Sunday morning
A yummy brunch before heading to Mom & Dad's to pick up Jackson

Here's hoping...

Long time, no post

 I haven't been writing. And, apparently, that's bad because writing is like a muscle...it can atrophy with lack of use. Since I hope to get my physical muscles back in shape, it's time to do the same for my writing muscle.

Jackson is coming up on 2. How is this possible?  I want to start recording his sayings, adorable smiles, and general adorable-ness so I will have it when he's 15 and can show his friends. And so I can cry about where all the time went.

The bunny photo shoot.  Oh my, my expectations were WAY off. I expected the poor bunnies to be traumatized by the whole experience. I expected Jackson to be a moving target, with lots of giggles and running around. He fell asleep on the way to the location (which was in Arcadia across the highway from the Round Barn), right before we got there. Instead of crazy toddler boy, we a got zoned out boy. He was absolutely still and quiet, but so solemn. Very unlike his usual personality. He warmed up toward the end, but I haven't seen those pictures yet. 

The proof I posted is the only picture we've seen.  It is so adorable, I can hardly stand it. And I have shown anyone who would look. 

All the kids in David's family had them taken, so I think we're going to give Sharon a picture frame with all of them in it for Mother's Day.

He is talking up a storm! Maybe he takes after me! Friends tell us that he talks well for his age. I'm so proud of him!  His latest words are: zebra (beeba) and giraffe (raff).  These come from Giraffes Can't Dance, which works great to get him to sleep. For some reason, him saying "beeba" instead of "zebra" gets to me every time. He is also saying thank you to everything!  He said after I changed his diaper this morning. So cute!!

He loves books. Besides the aforementioned giraffe book, he loves Moo Baa LaLaLa, Barnyard Dance, Goodnight Moon, and many others. My favorite book to read to him is Wherever You Are, My Love Will Find You. It has echos of Psalm 139 in it.  A quote that I 

love is, 

"And if someday you’re lonely,or someday you’re sad,
or you strike out at baseball,
or think you’ve been bad...
just lift up your face, feel the wind in your hair.
That’s me, my sweet baby, my love is right there."

I hope Jackson will always know how much David and I love him and that God loves him even more. I hope he learns God's purposes and plan for his life and that he will learn to enjoy God's presence in good times and in bad. 

I love that he is so at ease wherever he goes. He goes right in to school everyday without looking back (even to wave at Mommy, sniff!). He loves the church nursery, grocery store, Target, or anywhere else we take him. He waves at people and chats away with anyone who will listen. He also does a cute little fake shy act that everyone loves (which is probably why he does it!). It's a huge gift to have a flexible, adaptable child. David and I are on the go types of people, and Jackson fits right in.

5.  The depth of love I feel for that little boy is just amazing. I could never have believed it until I had him. Thank you, Lord, for answering my prayer for a child! He is such a blessing!! And seeing David with him just melts me. It's unbelievable!

Places I've Been

I've been playing a map game at work. Ok, I play it all too often, I confess. It's quite challenging. It starts with a blank United States Map. It gives you states to place on the map. You must be very exact. I have high standards for myself. One mistake and I often make myself start over. I have gotten 100% several times.  Play it here.

Some, like Texas, Florida, and California, by virtue of their location on the coasts, are easy. Sometimes geography gives you a clue. Cape Cod makes Massachusetts recognizable. Thank you, Long Island, for showing me the exact location of New York. That makes all the itty bitty New England states easier.

It's interesting to me, thanks to my psychology minor at JBU, how my brain processes this game. How do I decide t what state goes where?

Sometimes, it's based on spatial ability, which I generally lack. States have certain shapes and they fit in certain spaces. This really comes into play as the map fills and there are openings shaped like a certain state.

My brain also discerns where a state should go based on my travel experiences. My family drove on long road trips when I was a child--Arkansas to Niagara Falls, Maine, and back home on one trip. I also drove to Wyoming from Arkansas with two friends after college. Those experiences guide me as I play the game. Memories such as seeing the sunrise as I drove west through South Dakota through the Badlands and into Wyoming or riding in the backseat as a child through Tennessee, Virginia, and North Carolina along the Blue Ridge Parkway.

In the spirit of this game and the wonderful memories it possesses, I wanted to start making a list of places I've been. A few to get started:

1. Ogunquit, Maine. I was about 10 years old. My sister, Julie, and I insisted on swimming in the freezing Atlantic. Dad swam with us and the waves were tall enough to scare my mom. He also showed us tidal pools and the creatures in them. We bought sweatshirts in town after the icy dip. Mine was lavender with navy blue writing (why do I remember stuff like that?!). We went out for a lobster dinner that night. There was a tank of live lobsters when you entered the restaurant. You were supposed to pick one. I did, thinking, I guess, that I was picking a pet as opposed to dinner. When it arrived, whole and steamed, I wouldn't eat it.  See Ogunquit here.

2. Olympic National Park in Washington.  This was an adult vacation that I took with my parents.  There I was, in my 30s and staying with my parents in the same hotel room.  Regardless, this was an awesome trip!  We started in Seattle.  I showed my parents a little of the city, as I was going there with some regularity for work at the time.  We then went to the national park. We stayed at an incredible inn in Port Angeles, right on the water.  See it Here.  Olympic is so unique.  You can see the Pacific, snowcapped mountains, and a rain forest all in one area.  We took a hike through towering fir trees, and, all of a sudden, the trail ends and the Pacific opens up in front of you.  It is stunning. Find out more here.

3.  Tulum/Cozumel Mexico.  My friends Laura, Mark, and Brian joined me on a trip to Tulum in 2006.  We flew into Cancun, and soon left the tourist trap behind and drove out into the countryside.  It was my first time in Mexico, and it was fascinating.  We stayed at an all-inclusive resort in Tulum, thanks to cheapcarribean.com.  Check it out here.  All inclusive is so the way to go.  No worries about a big bill at the end of the week.  Laura and I had a nice room with a hammock on the balcony.  Basically, we spent the day playing pool volleyball, drinking rum drinks, and soaking up the carribean sun.  The beach waiters would come around every 15 minutes or so.  Their line was, "Is there anything I can do to make your day better?"  Why, yes, there is.  I haven't had one of your *incredible* pina coladas in at least 30 minutes.  We also ate our weight in guacamole.  Seriously, they would bring a vat of it to us at lunch and we would devour it.  It got to be a little embarassing.

We took the ferry from Playa del Carmen and spent one day on Cozumel.  We rented a Jeep, went snorkeling, and had the best time ever.  Cozumel surprised me.  I thought it would be more like Cancun--hotel after condo after resort after tourist trap.  Once we were outside the main town, it felt like we had the island to ourselves.  It is surprisingly undeveloped and beautiful.  There is also a rastafarian bar on the tip of the island that, I think had a monkey, or some other interesting animal.  I don't know why I remember that. 

 I will always remember this trip because I fulfilled two songs that are now stuck in my head: I blew out my flip flop (in Cozumel), and I found out that I love pina coladas and dancing in the rain (after dancing with a very cute Mexican dance instructor).

I've been many other places, but that will be for another time. 

Note to Kristen Melby:  This is an old post that I finally finished.  There will be more, I promise! Check out all the fancy links I put in this post.  I know you'll love all the details that I remember, which have no bearing on my life today.

Touching my Ozark heart

Today in chapel, folk music was the theme. A fiddle player, pianist/vocalist, and a guitarist combined to bring music that brought back so many memories for me.

I could picture my ancestors walking to church as I listened to Down to the River to Pray. For some reason, I could picture a woman in a calico dress and sunbonnet walking barefoot along a path through the woods toward a white clapboard church. Perhaps that church is Sweethome Church in Montgomery county, Arkansas, where my mom grew up. Several generations of her family, the Hovells, worshipped there.

The music made me think of driving down interstate 540 through the Boston mountains with fog laying like a blanket over the hills. I was remembering driving through the hills to Aunt Kathy's for Christmas with snowflakes swirling through the air and peering through the clouds as we drove the Blue Ridge Parkway as a child.

The service ended with a spiritual called Hush, Somebody's Calling My Name. My mind drifted back to a sweltering afternoon in August of 1997, as my family and I said goodbye to my Mema. I could see the funeral home fans with a picture of Jesus in the garden. I could hear old hymns sung by about one hundred southern souls in a Church of Christ Church in Tuckerman, Arkansas. I could feel the sweat running down my back as I stood under a huge old pecan tree as folks filed past my family telling me how much Sister Pearl was loved.

While my family didn't listen to this kind of music at home, there is a current of this music running through my mind just from living in the beautiful Ozark Hills. A piece of my heart is always there.

How can you not love that?

Thanks to Valerie McEvoy for her love of Top 5 Lists.

Top 5 Things everyone loves that I don’t…

1. Twilight. To me, there is nothing romantic about a conflicted vampire competing for a girl with a similarly conflicted werewolf. And, seriously people…those boys are the age of some your children. Stop the screaming.

2. Harry Potter. Wizards, spells, etc. don’t really interest me, but kudos for getting kids to read. I’m all for that.

3. Lord of the Rings. In movies, I prefer that the characters are all human or all animal. No creatures, please. I also want the movies I see or books I read to take place on earth. No, not Middle Earth. Regular old earth.

4. Princess Bride. This one gets me in trouble every time. EVERYONE loves it. Mahwige is what brings us together…a classic line, right? No. Still don’t love it.

5. NASCAR. Ok, I don’t know too many people personally who love it, but millions do. You do know you’re watching people drive around in a circle, right?

To everything, turn turn turn..there is a season...

I've heard that the only thing (other than God) that you can count on in life is change. I've definitely seen that in my own life.

Professionally, I have a tendency to start a new job without knowing much about it, and spend the first year or two learning as much as I can. Once I reach the point where I'm the "go to girl", I leave. I did that at JBU admissions--I resigned right after I won the Midwest Regional Service Award. I left development just as the department really started to come together. I left Lindsey Management once I was the most experienced person in my department and the one that others turned to when they had questions. Now I'm at OCU, but I'm not leaving anytime soon. I'm still in the learning phase.

I feel settled in Oklahoma City now. I know my way around, can take alternate routes to get around traffic, and have favorite restaurants. I know the best place to park at the mall (on the top level by Macy's, in case you're wondering).

I'm also in the lifelong process of learning how to be a good wife. Of all the jobs and roles I've ever had, I've never wanted to succeed more than I have in this role. Two things I've learned so far are: Men like home cooked meals and they need encouragement from their wives. That's what I've learned about being a wife. So, I cook and encourage. I'm continuing to learn about this mysterious union of marriage.

I'm settled in OKC and into my role as a wife. So, what's next, you might ask? If your life has been characterized as being in a constant state of flux, what could be around the next corner?

One big change that will occur soon is that David's parents are moving to our neighborhood. We saw this open house sign and decided to go in and take a look. It was exactly what they were looking for--small yard, 3 car garage, beautiful interior. To make a long story short, they sold their house before it was even on the market, and bought the one in our neighborhood in short order. They are moving September 21.

Despite the look of horror that some people (who don't know my in-laws) have given me when I told them, this is actually a wonderful thing. I love them, and to have them nearby when we have a baby is going to be amazing! I'm also looking forward to the simple things like family dinners and pedicures with my mother-in-law. They are very respectful of our privacy and time.

We are also hoping to adopt another golden retriever later this fall. There is a golden retriever rescue in town, and we've been searching the website for a good match. They are all adorable, so it will be hard to choose. We need one that is kitty-friendly and completely housebroken. Check out http://www.sgrr.org/ to see these precious puppies.

Hopefully, a baby will be on the way in the next year or so and that will be our next big change! I will have another echo cardiogram in October to make sure my heart is still doing well. Then, we'll just have to see what God has in store! I've turned this over to Him, but that is a process that takes daily prayer. David and I have our individual worries about me getting pregnant. David's are for my safety and that my heart is strong enough. I worry more about having enough energy and money, and about the changes having a baby would bring to our lives. When I come home exhausted at the end of the day, I wonder what I'd do if I had a baby screaming at 2 am.

The only regret I have about meeting David is that it didn't happen sooner. As a result, I tend to feel like I'm playing the love version of Beat the Clock. I never feel like I have enough time with him. It's as if the sand of time that we get to live together slips through our hands so quickly. I wish we had several more years of time as a couple before having kids, but we don't have that luxury if we want to have a child.

I know our blissed out newlywed lifestyle would change forever. No more sleeping late on Saturdays, lingering romantic dinners, and constant couple time? I will miss those times, but my desire to be a family with David and a child outweighs those luxuries. Maybe we can sneak in a dinner out now and then...that's where my wonderful in-laws come in!

So many wonderful changes! Both my family and David's have seen that things can change forever in the blink of an eye. All we can really do is love God today and trust Him for tomorrow. God has great plans in store.

Where Did the Summer Go?

I looked at my last post and it said April. Where did the summer go? Here are some highlights:

May
1-2~David and I went with our Sunday school class to Mena, AR, for a couples retreat. It was so much fun despite the 5 inches of rain that fell on Saturday! Good times with good friends, lots of SkipBo, yummy food, and great conversation.

24~David and I celebrated our 1st wedding anniversary! What a wonderful first year we had. Our friends Christi & Stan came to visit on the 23rd and we went to a Cheap Trick concert (my gift to David).

We went to church on Sunday, which was our actual anniversary, and I had to go to work. I had a very stressful afternoon checking people into the dorm for the United Methodist Annual Conference.

David and I went to "our" restaurant, InterUrban, that night. He used to take me there when I drove in on Friday nights when we were dating. We love it, and it's right by our house. David gave me a beautiful Brighton bracelet to commemorate the occasion.

Monday was Memorial Day so we got to spend the whole day together. We went to Pearl's and had a delicious seafood lunch. We spent the afternoon at the Paseo Arts Festival wandering around hand in hand.

June
3~We celebrated 2 years since our first date, and the first day we met. It's hard to believe everything that has happened since that day!

12-13~We spent an incredibly relaxing weekend in Duncan, OK with David's parents. We swam, ate out, and went to a movie. My mother-in-law, Sharon, treated me to a pedicure. We always have a great time when we visit them!

July
3-5~We took a trip to Arkansas to see my family and friends. One of my oldest friends, Jennifer, was in town with her husband and three kids. It was great to see her again after several years and to introduce her to David. We had a great 4th of July meal and fireworks. On Sunday, we enjoyed sushi with many of my friends for my pinky Candy's birthday.

16-18~My friend Brian visited us. We had a great time with him. One highlight was a visit to the OKC Bombing Memorial museum. It was incredibly sad, but interesting and extremely well done.

24-27~I worked 14 hour days as the School of Christian Mission was hosted at OCU. Thank goodness, that event is only once a year!

27~Our beloved dog, Max, was laid to rest. He had not been eating well, and David took him to the vet. Initially, we thought he just had an ear infection. He couldn't hold anything down that night, so we took him to the pet emergency room. Sadly, they told us that he had an enlarged heart, possible cancer, and lung issues. We made the difficult decision to put him to sleep so he wouldn't suffer. It was the hardest thing we've had to face as a couple. He had a long happy life, and we miss him terribly. We will get another golden retriever as soon as we feel we're ready.

30~We celebrated two years since my heart surgery. My surgeon told me two years ago that I would die within two years without surgery, so I looked at this year as kind of a milestone. I'm so thankful that God healed me--look at all the wonderful things I would have missed! As we were going out to dinner that night to celebrate, David said, "You can wear those earrings, or you might want to change into these" and pulled out a Brighton gift bag! Inside were the earrings that match my anniversary bracelet! What a wonderful surprise. He took me to a Brazilian restaurant that had a rooftop bar. It was so romantic and beautiful!

So far, August is looking calmer. A little work to get the school year started, a couple of birthdays, and a visit from my parents.

Looking ahead to fall...

September 4-6~We are going to Indiana to celebrate my niece and nephew's birthdays. Caroline will be 6 (going on 16) and Bennett will be 2.

September 5~Football season begins! Go Hogs, Go Pokes!

October 2-3~My 20th high school reunion. This may be in conjunction with a family reunion.

October 17-19~OSU Homecoming, which is also a huge Krivy family gathering

November 6-9~I'm so looking forward to this! David's parents are joining us in a trip to Arkansas. Our parents love us and each other, what a gift! We are going to play in the leaves one day, either in Eureka Springs or Devil's Den. David and I are going to go to a Razorback game Saturday night. It should be a wonderful fall weekend in the Ozarks. I need at least one of these a year, minimum.

After that, the holidays will descend on us!

I hope you've enjoyed the highlights of our summer. There were many more, and we had a great time!